Father I love you. Test

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.

Psalm 118:24.

1.1 A field strewn with broken hearts.

[I felt the presence of an angel at my side, pointing out each casualty to me, showing me their sufferings- all caused by heartbreaks. I felt my guide wanted me to see what was happening in this other world, a world I had not known before. I will share many other heavenly experiences with you as I give witness and testify that the Holy Spirit is as active as He ever was. I hope these events will console and reassure you. You are not alone. God is still with you. You have as much a biblical role to play in this age as did your spiritual forefathers in theirs, perhaps even more so. Whenever your heart sees a person treated unjustly, deprived, or abused, and you know that this need not be- that this should not be, that this must not be... that will be your cue to "be about your Father's business." (2) All of heaven is at your disposal. You are Christ's minister, made in His image. You will be overwhelmed as you realize who you are as God's child and what you can do. Once you have taken root in this knowledge, in Spirit and in Truth begin your ministry in the glorification process. (3) With Christ your King, bring life with all of its abundance (4) and joy (5) to your spouse and children, to brothers and sisters, to all your heavenly Father's children. Their hearts must overflow with happiness and delight. This is your heritage and your ministry, a ministry that begins with the family God has placed in your pastoral care.]

My eyes saw persons of all shapes and sizes with nearly every illness imaginable. My heart, however, saw many who were suffering or dying because of repeated, severe, acute heartbreaks. I would go so far as to say 90% of those hospitalized were there because of an illness or a condition that began directly or indirectly with a broken heart.

Many persons were repeatedly wounded for want of being loved or for being abused in the name of love. They simply could not take it anymore. Looking at their faces I saw despair, helplessness, loneliness and a deep, deep sadness. Their large open eyes revealed their confusion, they were disoriented, tired . . . no signs of life. Their stare penetrated through me . . . into space. "Why?" their eyes asked.

Many were hurt and confused, their poor bodies responding to their heart's pain and bewilderment with biological dysfunction. Normal healthy tensions between body and soul were no longer a reality.

Many had naively walked into traps, into veritable snake pits. Once snared, there was no way out except through the pains of heartbreak and illness.

These poor souls were only those who required hospitalization. What about others who were not hospitalized? What about those persons who resigned themselves to their lot in life, living as prisoners in a one-way relationship? How many broken hearts have simply accepted their fate and move around day after day like zombies? How many broken hearts have in anger resorted to crime? How many broken hearts have been placed in mental institutions because they could not cope with the pains of heartbreak? What about those hearts who have simply run away? What about hearts who could no longer face the same hell day after day after day? What about those hearts who took pills, alcohol and drugs to numb the pains caused by a love gone sour? And what about those persons who saw their only escape was to take their own life- who saw suicide and death as a better option than living each day with the gnawing pains of a broken heart? Will you or members of your family also suffer this fate?

The following are typical of the hundreds of heartbreaks God's children shared with me during parish retreats- and they are only the tip of a very big iceberg.

"My greatest heartbreak . . . ?"

"Learning two years into my marriage that my wife made love to another man just prior to our marriage. This is a wound I suffered with for years. Still wrings my guts."

"Discovering my spouse was unfaithful."

"My most bitter heartbreak is my loved one doubting my love for her."

"Growing up and not knowing if I was loved by my mother. Never being told (by her) 'I love you'. It really hurts."

"Being alone all the time."

"My biggest heartbreak is never being loved as a child and later on all the many disappointments in my 19 years of marriage."

"My father's alcoholism. I have not yet been able to totally forgive my father for all the pain and suffering that he has brought to my mother and brothers and sisters. There is a part of me who loves my Father yet there is a bitter side that hates the alcoholic. I hope to someday separate the alcohol from my father and come to an understanding of why and how his alcoholism has affected my life today."

"The change in me as a wife and mother. I am not happy and loving with myself or my family. I do not know where or how I changed. Was it my husband's illness or the pressures of raising children today or am I just blaming everyone else but myself?"

"When I saw my daughter place a gift for my husband under the Christmas tree addressed: 'For him.'"

"I was dating a girl for two years and asked her to be my wife. Three months before the wedding she called it off, telling me I loved my family more than I loved her."

"Last summer when my husband admitted being involved with another woman, and when I found out to what extent, I was totally devastated."

"After my husband died I married again. Then I found out I was not in love with my second husband. He was and still is very critical. He has the idea that he is being helpful, which is total nonsense. His children will barely speak to him and now mine also."

"The gap which sometimes lies between my husband and me at times regarding religious differences."

"When I was still a child, at 13, I was still a teenager, I received the most devastating news of my life. I come from a broken family having been raised by my father and brothers, and I always looked up to and admired my oldest brother, who had gone off to serve his country and fellow men in the war On (date) we received news that he was missing in action and presumed dead. I wandered all over town, finally sitting on the sidewalk, crying my heart out as I felt so alone and abandoned."

"When my husband told me that he would claim custody of my children, I felt as if something in me had died, and I knew without them I would commit suicide. Since then we have reconciled and God made this possible. A lot of people have prayed for us and still do. I am thankful to the Lord."

"I am not really happy with who I am."

"My wife leaves me to sleep with another because she says I am unable to satisfy her and that I should do the same."

"I would like to be reconciled with my older brother. I have no way to communicate with him and I do not remember ever feeling close to him when we were children. I think he hates me, but he really doesn't want to hate me."

"I was rejected by my sister-in-law during my childhood and was made to feel that I was good for nothing."

"I am not happy with being who I am."

Dearest Friend, many books could be filled with stories like these. What happened? All these hearts began their journey in matrimonial bliss- in families, in homes. What happened?

"God blessed them, saying to them; 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and conquer it, be masters of the fish and the sea, the birds of heaven and all living animals on the earth.' God said; 'See, I give you all seed bearing plants that are upon the whole earth, and all the trees with seed bearing fruit; this shall be your food. To all wild beasts, all birds of heaven, and all living reptiles on the earth, I give all the foliage of plants for food,' and so it was. God saw all he had made and indeed it was very good." (6)

And Jesus our King tells us; "I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." (7)

If God made everything so good and Jesus came so that we may have life to the full, what is happening? There are heartbreaks everywhere! What is happening?

All have suffered cruel disappointments in their emotional relationships with others. Persons they loved, persons they welcomed into their lives with open and trusting arms, have somehow played a major role in their downfall. For many, their wounds will be crippling or fatal. No longer able to endure the cutting pains of these bitter heartbreaks, they fell: in disbelief, in confusion, in loneliness, in solitude, in fear, from abuse, from heart attacks, from cancer and from strokes they fell. With spiritual, emotional and psychiatric problems, and physical infirmities they fell. For many, the dream of living in happiness with their beloved had become one long, frightening nightmare. Overcome with pain and confusion, their precious lives were turned upside down.

1.2 What to do?

As I saw all this misery, many questions came to mind. These persons are God's children. They are Princes and Princesses in their Father's kingdom. Why are they not using the gifts they received to protect themselves against these terrible onslaughts? Why do they repeatedly keep falling, enduring more pain and suffering? Why are they not able to discern what is happening? They received great and wonderful treasures not only to survive but also to conquer. (8) Why are they not taking advantage of these? This is not what their heavenly Father wants. The inevitable question surfaced:

"Raymond, you know better. You received this knowledge gratuitously. What are you going to do about it?"

They are so many and I am but one person. What could I do? Yet to do nothing was out of the question. This simply did not make sense. Life is wonderful and precious. It must be lived to the full. I did not know what to do. A miracle was needed, but how do miracles happen?

1.3 The miracle. Part one, roll up your sleeves.

Even if I could not save them all, I would try to save as many as I could. I was not going to repeat what the apostles said to our dear Lord at the miracle of the loaves. You will recall- large crowds had left their towns and went on foot to see Jesus. He had pity on them and came ashore to heal the sick and . . .

"When evening came, the disciples went to him and said, 'This is a lonely place, and the time has slipped by; so send the people away, and they can go to the villages to buy themselves some food'." (9) The disciples were asking our dear Lord to send the crowds away so that they could see to their own needs. Shrugging their shoulders, they said there was nothing they could do.

But, Jesus replied: "There is no need for them to go: give them something to eat yourselves.' If ever there was a statement on what our terms of reference are, this is it: "There is no need for them to go: give them something to eat yourselves."

There is no need for persons to suffer injustice in this world, deal with it yourself. There is no need for persons to be hungry in this world, deal with it yourself. There is no need for persons to be ignorant in this world, deal with it yourself. Christ the Son of God, Christ the Creator, Christ your King is with you. You are made in His image. Do it yourself (10) child of God that you are. Do you not understand? You are God's child!

But they answered, 'All we have with us is five loaves and two fish.' 'Bring them here to me' he said. He gave orders that the people were to sit on the grass; then he took the five loaves and the two fish, raised his eyes to heaven and said the blessing. And breaking the loaves he handed them to his disciples who gave them to the crowds. They all ate as much as they wanted, and they collected the scraps remaining, twelve baskets full. Those who ate numbered about five thousand men to say nothing of women and children." (11)

I rejoice in this event. Our dear Lord showed me (through His apostles) what I would have done, had I been in their shoes, those wonderful, human, fragile, transparent apostles who played our roles on that stage 2,000 years ago.

1.4 The miracle, part two. With Jesus do it!

Because of this gospel message, that was exactly what I did. I took my five loaves and two fish, (my meager little experiences). I blessed these with and like Jesus did, then I set out to feed the hungry. As in the gospel passage many ate to their fill.

To do this, I prepared a series of retreats titled "Marriage in the Kingdom." and advertised it in a national Catholic newspaper. Immediately, I received an invitation to give the retreat (a five evening series) in a nearby parish named, "The Immaculate Conception." I was overjoyed since our dear mother Mary has always been present in my life in a very special way. My heart saw this as a sign of Her approval. Later, it was more advertising and more invitations.

Over the years, giving the retreats was very consoling and very gratifying. Many wonderful things happened. Like the experience the apostles had, no matter how much I gave, there was always more to give, and there was always a lot more left over than when I began. I couldn't believe it! After ten years of presentations (usually at Lent and Advent), it now seemed the right time to "make a great feast with all the leftovers," i.e. to have the series available in book form. This must be done if these experiences are to be shared with still more broken hearts. Now you know why this book is in your hands.

1.5 Make things happen.

Dearest Friend, there are three kinds of persons in this world:

Those who make things happen,

Those who watch things happen, and

Those who say, "What happened?"

This precious gift of life is given to you gratuitously, to make glorious things happen. Your life must be lived. God has placed beautiful persons and awesome wonders in your path. Don't waste time simply watching things happen. You must not wake up years from now, only to realize that these unique opportunities have evaporated into thin air and are gone forever. You are here, now, God wills your presence, and because of this, now is your time to live as His child. But to grow and blossom, you must know who you are, what is yours and what is expected from you. You must know what treasures you have received to help you do those things that only you can do.

Dearest Friend, the experiences in this book are shared with you to help you see and hear before you say, "Yes." and, "No." to persons and events in your life. You can and you must use this very precious gift of life to make good things happen for you, for your loved one, for your children and for so many others who depend on you.

Your heritage is to reign and govern, in Christ Jesus, over the affairs of your heavenly Father's Kingdom for His greater glory. This means helping each and every person (beginning with yourself) to take their rightful place in His Holy Court. This is your vocation. This is why you are here and what your dear Lord is asking you to do. Dearest Friend, He has given you everything you need to do this. Do not worry about anything else. You were not given life to suffer heartbreak after heartbreak. "They will never hunger or thirst again; neither the sun nor scorching wind will ever plague them, because the Lamb who is at the throne will be their shepherd and will lead them to springs of living water; and God will wipe away all tears from their eyes." (12) What is at stake is how you use this precious gift of life you are now receiving gratuitously. You can grow and blossom with all the majesty and glory that befit a person of your stature, or you can allow yourself to wither and die.

This sharing with you is to help you find your crown and to wear it. You will discover that you have a sword of awesome power to help you reign as Monarch in the Kingdom of God- a realm that goes as far as your sphere of influence extends. I will also share with you the consequences for those who choose not to do so.

If your heart aches because you do not know your heavenly Father, or because you feel insecure, or you think life should be more beautiful:

if you are lonely,
if you are not basking in the exhilaration of pure Love:
if you would like to be smiling and laughing more often:
if you always feel sad:
if you are not realizing your full potential:
if you know this is not how God wants you to live:
if you are thirsty for Peace:
if you find living tiring and feel insecure:
if there is much violence in your life-

despite your goodwill, you have been saying, "Yes." and "No." to the wrong persons and to the wrong events that have come into your life. Yet, it need not and must not be so.

From this moment on, you must not take another step unless it is to make good things happen. Our dear Lord tells us that appearances can be very deceiving. He cautions his apostles (and through them you and me), "Remember, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be cunning as serpents and yet as harmless as doves." (13) All of your efforts must be to come out of the darkness of solitude and the swamps of despair, onto the wide-open fields and sunny blue skies of your Father's incredible creation. "In the meadows of green grass he lets me lie. To the waters of repose he leads me; there he revives my soul." (14) From this very moment, each step you take must be one that will elevate you to your throne, where you can receive your heritage (15) and exercise your authority to reign as a Monarch in the Kingdom of God. To do this, you must learn how to read important signs.

1.6 The bottom-line.

Dearest Friend, it is my wish you soon realize how special and unique you are and that you take your place of honor at your King's side. I want you to know not only what Jesus is giving you to survive, but also how to conquer in His Name. (16) This is your birthright.

Problems are not going to disappear! Problems are wonderful providential opportunities for you to transform and renew creation for you heavenly Father's glory. Imagine, governing with Jesus your King.

Dearest Friend, love from many hearts is responsible for this book being in your hands. Like a child, (17) may your heart be disposed to receive everything your dear Lord has for you. On this journey you will learn where you came from, how special you are, how much you are loved, what has been given to you, the choices you have and about the good (and evil) around you and your loved ones. You will awaken to wonderful and to terrifying things in the world we live in. Do not be afraid. You will be very much the stronger because of it. You will learn how to wear the armor of Christ, (18) and how to govern in your realm of your Father's Kingdom.

Now, let's see what we can learn about having life to the full. (19) As you begin your journey, may I bless you, dearest brother and sister in the Lord, † in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

God be with you.

Deacon Raymond

Footnotes.

1. I had left my employment with the provincial government, to go on my own as a private consultant in municipal administration. While waiting for my first telephone call, rather than sitting around the house and doing nothing, I offered to assist the pastoral care team at the local general hospital. This decision was to have a profound impact on the rest of my life.
2. Luke 2:50.
3 John 14:13-14
4 John 10:10
5 John 15:10-11.
6 Genesis 1:28-31.
7 John 10:10
8 Genesis 1:28
9 Matthew 14:15.
10 John 14:12
11 Matthew 14:16-21.
12 Revelation 8:17.
13 Matthew 10:16.
14 Psalm 23:2-3.
15 Psalm 119:11
16 John 16:33
17 Mark 10:15.
18 Ephesians 6:11.
19 John 10:1