Father I love you. Test

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad. Psalm 118:24.

2.1 Why are there so many heartbreaks?
Because persons are not meeting, communicating and dialoguing with other persons. When this happens, they cannot know and love other persons. When this happens, they cannot have a relationship with other persons or with God who is also a person. When this happens, they cannot grow, blossom and delight in bringing forth much fruit, as our heavenly Father wishes. (1) When this happens, they simply cannot be who they really are, God's Children. When this happens, they cannot realize their full potential. When this happens, they are heartbroken and very sad.

Long ago, I discovered that only one out of ten persons could communicate and dialogue with another person; consequently, about one person out of ten can love another person. Are you one of the very few who can communicate and dialogue and love, or are you part of the 90% who do not communicate or dialogue and consequently cannot love... cannot love God, cannot love yourself or cannot love others?

To prove this difficulty in human relationships, before every retreat, (before we committed ourselves to spending five evenings together and possibly waste our week) I carried out the following experiment. Each person sat at a table and closed his or her eyes. A name card was placed in front of each person. Each had a piece of paper and a pencil. Standing on the other side of the table, facing each person, I would then call that person by his or her given name. He or she would then open his or her eyes and look at me. As we looked into each other's eyes (without saying a word) with my finger I would beckon him or her to come to me. That person would then write a one-sentence note describing what he or she saw.

This experiment was carried out two to four times a year, over a 10-12 year period in different English and French parishes throughout Ontario. Consistently, time after time, the responses fell into five categories, only one of which revealed an ability to meet, communicate and dialogue with another person. About 10% of those who took part knew how to meet, communicate and dialogue with another person, heart to heart- mystery to mystery.

2.2 Group one, the ideal reply. 
The ideal reply was, "I see a sign of you calling me." (2) In this very short sentence they:

1. affirmed a conscious presence of self by saying "I,"

2. confirmed seeing a sign, my beckoning finger,

3. saw that the sign was given by "me,"

4. saw that the "message was for him or her," and

5. correctly interpreted the sign as, "(name) come to me."

For those persons who received my message, each of us person to person, heart to heart, invisible mystery to invisible mystery, became present to the other through our senses- by way of a visible sign. (Persons can love one another when they are present to the Other.) We communicated with each other because we looked and saw signs of what the Other was trying to say. When two persons (two spirits incarnate) are consciously present to each other through their visible signs, when they communicate with each other and confirm this communication with each other through these visible signs, this is truly a remarkable event.

2.3 Group two, persons not present to self. 
Sadly however, I was not able to communicate with the vast majority of those in the experiment. Many persons did not affirm their own presence, replying instead: "We are being called by you." or, "You are calling us." They were simply not conscious of their own unique personal presence. They hid, were lost or took cover in the group.

2.4 Group three, persons who did not acknowledge my presence.
Still others did not acknowledge my presence, writing, "I am being asked to go." or, "I am being called." They did not deem it necessary to acknowledge "Me" as the Other present in this meeting. I was not present in their reply.

2.5 Group four, persons who saw neither self nor me.
Still others did not affirm either their presence or my presence in the encounter, answering: "Come here." or, "Come."

2.6 Group five, persons who saw only a thing.

And sadly (very sadly), many persons saw only a thing replying, "I see a finger moving."

2.7 Persons who live with things.

Not many persons live with things you say? Let me give you a few examples of persons who see and live with things instead of other persons in their lives.

Example. I once met a friend who told me he married a singer.

Example. When I was a consultant in municipal government, I asked a gentleman who was chief of police, for a statement describing what his job was. He did not reply.

"Why no reply?" I asked.

"You only gave me three lines, I need three pages," he said laughingly. "I have about 300 things to do." he underlined. He saw his job as doing this thing and doing that thing. He did not see his vocation as being responsible for the security of persons living in the community.

Example. A newspaper in a sizable city had a full page Christmas greeting for its subscribers. On the page was a large picture of the owner of the paper with his name underneath. Below his picture was a series of smaller pictures of persons who worked there, with their job titles (no names, just job titles) printed underneath. He, was a person. They were things.

Example.

"Hi Yvon."

"Hi Stan, long time no see. How's it going?"

"Fine. I've got a good job, a new car, a few bucks in the bank and a great little wife."

Example: Before his conversion, St. Augustine went through the same learning pains. In his Confessions he says: "The reason was that I did not know that evil is only the privation of a good, even to the point of complete nonentity. How could I see this, when with eyes I could only see bodies, and with my soul only phantasms." (3)

There are many persons who live with things instead of living with other persons, with nuances that are very subtle. For example, a person wanting to save his or her marriage is not focusing on the "Other" but on a thing, a project, a marriage.

What kind of happiness is there for a person being with another person when he or she:
(a) is not conscious of his or her own presence? 
(b) is not conscious of the presence of the Other?
(c) does not see the signs the other gives to communicate with him or her?
(d) does not see either self or others?
(e) sees a body part as a thing instead of a sign made by another person?
How is loving another person possible under such circumstances?

When you see another person, what do you see? A head and a body or a mind and a soul? A name or a spirit? You must see all of these because the visible is only a sign of the invisible.

2.8 Only persons can love.
I was reluctant to share these statistics with you until I read Bishop Fulton Sheen's book "Thinking Life Through." He says, "About 15 per cent of the population think; about 25 per cent of the population think they think, and about 60 per cent look at picture books." (4)

These figures are frightening. Most of the population live and make decisions based on images that have nothing to do with reality, either in this world and certainly not in the Kingdom of God.

[Whenever a person tries to satisfy a fantasy, heartbreaks galore will abound. Reality can never meet the expectations of a fantasy, for fantasy is constantly redefining itself, it is a bottomless pit. The enlightened heart will not be satisfied with anything less than reality, the Truth, as revealed by our dear Lord. Consequently, God's child will recognize the seductive inducements sung by the sirens of fantasy for what they really are, illusions. With our King as his Light, he will use his eyes to look and see and his ears to listen and hear the Truth- and will govern all his actions accordingly. His house will be built on solid rock and not on shifting sand. (5) ]

We must look and see. We must listen and hear. We must ask questions and confirm the information being exchanged. We must meet the Other at least half way, if we are to bridge the silent chasms that separate us. With Jesus as our Light and the right information, one can discern what to do before acting, before answering, before making important decisions. Otherwise, we will suffer the pains of heartbreak time after time after time.

If you live with things, you will live by yourself, and (as we will see when we examine the consequences of sin) when you live separated from other persons, you will get frustrated, angry- you will starve, wither and die. Our dear Lord tells us, "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer." (6)

Dearest Child of God, persons who do not see themselves as persons, cannot communicate as persons with other persons.
Persons who do not see Others as persons, cannot communicate with other persons.
Persons who only see things (i.e. fingers or other body parts) cannot communicate as persons with other persons. They definitely cannot communicate with things. The consequences of living like this are tragic. Dearest Child of God, you need only look and listen, see and hear how many persons are spending their one and only life living with things and not with other persons. "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer."

2.9 Seeing the visible as a sign of the invisible.
Many persons either live with images or with things or with a distorted or preconceived perception of what others are saying. They then make very important decisions based on this "information." It is of little wonder then that so many persons are frozen in their tracks or are confused or that there are so many heartbreaks. It is crucial to know if you are living your one and only life with images, with things or with persons. Your happiness depends on it.

2.10 Flesh and blood, window to the invisible Other.
When you kiss your loved one, you bring your lips to hers. This is not simply for the sake of skin touching skin. This wonderful event allows one mystery in flesh and blood to meet (in a very intimate way) another mystery in flesh and blood. The pleasure and joy of kissing the Other is in feeling the softness and the warmth of the other Person, THROUGH his or her lips, touching the mystery of the Other THROUGH flesh and blood. Remember what Jesus tells us, "It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer."

Lips enable lovers to experience, in a very special and wonderful way, a MEETING with the Other, a communion of hearts. To simply see and feel lips is to simply see and feel flesh and blood. When this happens, we do not see, touch and feel the lips as a special visible sign of the invisible presence, beauty, loveliness and mystery of the Other. "It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer."

Many persons do not know each other because they are living with flesh and blood and not with another person. They are living with things. Many persons go through life seeing only boys or girls, men or women. These persons are living with flesh and blood and not with other persons. Flesh and blood cannot speak, only persons can speak. My lips cannot communicate, they are part of a transmission system for ME to be able to talk with YOU. You must live with other persons and not with flesh and blood- if you do not you will surely die of heartbreak. Why? Because we are made in the image of God, who lives in union and in communion with PERSONS, not with things. Flesh and blood makes you visible to the other, and makes the other visible to you. "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer."

Dearest Child of God, flesh and blood cannot speak, only persons can speak. You cannot have an interpersonal relationship with body parts or with things. Things cannot love.

2.11 The visible, sign of the invisible.
Things..................................................................Person.

My hands ) are.................................................(Life) an

My arms ) transitional......................................(Spirit) eternal

My head ) visible.............................................(Mystery) invisible

My torso ) signs...............................................(Me)

My legs ) of......................................................(Me) reality

The more visible there is for our senses to grasp (signs that the Other gives), the more we can see the invisible reality (mystery) that the Other is. This is the only way we can make contact with the Other; this is the only way we can meet that person, that Other. What is visible therefore, is a sign of the invisible, the first cause without which there would be no person, no visible and no sign. Your hands, arms, head, torso and legs are visible signs of YOU. They are the signs of life, spirit and mystery that YOU are for- "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer."

When more of me is visible to you, there is more of me you can see. When you see more of me, there is more of me you can meet. When you meet more of me, there is more of me you can know. When you know more of me, there is more of me you can love. How can you love me if you do not know me? How can you know me if you do not see me? How can I love you if I do not know you? How can I know you if I do not see you? How can I see you if you do not give me a sign that tells me you are there?

Dearest Friend, the adventure of seeing, meeting, knowing and loving the Other in Christ Jesus is the event of life and living. There is no greater happiness. But before we can meet the Other, we must see the signs that he or she gives. Look, listen and touch the visible body to meet the invisible mystery and spirit that lives therein. (7)

Dear Child of God, visible signs are the only way the invisible mystery that the Other is can communicate with you. If you do not see and respond to his or her signs, you will never meet the Other- never.

2.12 After 35 years, they finally meet.
A good example of this (meeting the Other), took place when I gave a retreat in a parish in Southern Ontario. It was Friday evening and we were closing the week (as we always do) with mass and a little party. We do this to celebrate the presence of our God who is so close to us and cares for us so much. "I will live in your midst." (8) I went from person to person thanking them for their participation. One couple was obviously much older than the others were. They had beautiful rosy red cheeks, fiery twinkling eyes and were very much full of life.

"How long have you been married?" I asked.

"Thirty-five years." she replied.

"What in the world are you doing here?" I asked.

He did not say a word. She was doing the talking. She replied with a heavy Dutch accent, "You know, we have been married thirty-five years, but it was only this week that I really met my (name). I'm so proud of him. I did not know what kind of man I had. I'm so happy."

Tears were running down his cheeks. I embraced them both. After thirty-five years of marriage, this week she finally saw and met the person that she only knew all this time as a "husband," as a "breadwinner" and not as a person.

2.13 Speed is an obstacle to meeting the Other.
Meeting another person takes time. As we will see when we look at the consequences of sin, speed in one's life is a visible sign of a person not walking with his or her heavenly Father. Our King tells us, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End." (9) Because we all are members of the Body of Christ and share in His Spirit, in Christ Jesus we too can say, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End." So why the need for speed? Our dear Lord also tells us, "It is already done." (10) So, why the need for speed in our lives? Only Satan and those he has drawn to his side are speed demons, for their days are numbered. Ours are not.

Our resurrected nature is to be like Christ, sharing in His Beginning and End, loving the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our mind and loving our neighbor as we love self. (11) This love is personal, intimate and it takes time. Indeed, love requires an eternity to give. This is what makes Love, Love. As we will see when we look at the effects of sin, speed poisons this process. Speed is not a divine attribute.

We must see the visible as a sign of the invisible, and take the time to meet the other through these visible signs- otherwise, there is no value to reading any further.

2.14 Communication is through our senses.
What does, "see the visible as a sign of the invisible mean?" Because we live in flesh and blood, we are spirits incarnate. As spirits incarnate we have only one way to communicate and dialogue with other persons- through visible signs. As obvious as it is, it bears being repeated: to communicate and dialogue with other persons, we need to give them visible signs. If they want to communicate and dialogue with us, they must give us visible signs. To communicate, we need visible signs that can be "seen" through our senses.

2.15 Meeting the Other means taking risks.
Dearest Child of God, to be able to love other persons you must meet and know other persons. To meet other persons (invisible mystery to invisible mystery) one must be visible to the Other. To be visible to the Other, One must step out of one's skin, and in response or on his or her own initiative, he or she must reveal himself or herself to the Other. We must share with the Other. We must affirm and confirm with the Other. But if we do this we take certain risks. "Perhaps they won't like me. Maybe they'll laugh at me. I don't want them to hurt me, and so on." Yes it does mean taking risks, but you will not discover who you are unless you see who you are. You can only see who you are through the eyes of other persons, as you see their response and reactions to you.

As these meeting experiences take place, one learns, tries again, learns some more, tries again and learns again. This will continue for the rest of your life and always with some risk. However, as you grow and blossom, the risks should become smaller and smaller, the learning experiences greater and greater. When others step out of their skin to reveal who they are to you, they also take risks. Meet them lovingly. Do not frighten them back into their shell, they may never risk trying to meet you again.

2.16 Jealous of the tomatoes.
One afternoon while in my bedroom changing my shirt, I looked out the window and saw Florence working in the garden. She was in the tomato patch. I saw her cultivating the plants, pruning them, straightening them up, pulling out weeds and caring for them with all her loving heart. Suddenly I was jealous.

"How come she's giving all this love to those tomatoes and not to me? Why doesn't she love me like she loves those tomato plants?" I was upset and very angry with her. I felt she was cheating me of her love. I felt that she considered the tomato plants more deserving of her love than I. (I'll pause here while you have a chuckle or a tear.)

When she returned to the house, my first instinct was to blast her for loving those tomato plants more than she loved me. On reflection, however, I decided not to say anything, but I was very jealous and very angry. Then I saw what was happening. An inner wall was building up which was going to create a division between Florence and me. Prompts that divide and separate do not come from the Holy Spirit. This was a temptation from the Serpent. Pride or no pride, I had to act fast if I was going to minimize the damage. With anger building within me, I decided to share my feelings with her. She could hardly believe what she heard. When I finished, she replied, "Raymond, don't you know I'm growing these tomatoes for you?"

Hearing this, I melted in shame when I saw how foolish I was. Listening to that terrible lie within, I was letting Satan's venomous poison jeopardize our relationship. Fortunately, when I stepped out of my skin and shared my feelings with her, we enhanced it instead. In awe, I saw how blessed I am to have such a loving Heart in my life. Yet, if I had not taken the risk, I tremble to think of what could have happened, all because of a lie whispered in my ear from the Tempter. At the very first sign of division, know that Satan is present. God does not cause division. If you do not act immediately to restore unity and order, many will suffer severe and cutting heartbreaks. Florence and I had another meeting experience and I grew from it.

2.17 Visible signs, lifeline for survival.
Dearest Friend, if you are to walk this earth as God's Child, to be about your Father's business with Jesus, (12) to reign effectively as a Monarch in your corner of God's Kingdom, you must open your eyes and ears and use all your senses:

a) to see the signs other persons are giving you, to communicate with you and to be in communion with you, and

b) to acknowledge their signs and respond with signs of your own, to experience union through human communion.

Dearest Child of God, when you want to dialogue with others;

Do you give them the visible signs they need, to see and understand you?

Do you see the visible signs others are giving you, to communicate with you?

Do you confirm with each other, on what messages are being given?

When you see the visible sign, you can meet the invisible cause, always a person. You can then respond to all the wonderful things happening in your life. If you do not see the visible, you will not see the invisible first cause, always a person. If you do not see persons, you will not be able to live in a community of persons, you will not be able to communicate with persons, you will not be able to share with persons, you will not be able to love persons, you will not be able to help persons and you will not be able to receive love and help from persons.

Such an individual cannot live what he or she is, a person in the image of our God who lives in a community of Persons, doing all these things and more. Unless you see the visible as a sign of the invisible, you will not be able to live a life where you can grow and blossom.

Unless you see the visible sign as the presence of the invisible person, you will not have the happiness of loving the Lord your God (a Person) with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. You will also be incapable of loving your neighbor and of loving yourself. (13) If you are unable do these things, you will be unable to live who you are, a person made in the image of God and you will suffer many heartbreaks. You will be incapable of radiating all the perfume and color that is uniquely yours, and you will suffer many heartbreaks because of this.

If you cannot live what you are (a person), you will live what you are not, a lie. Lies are devoid of the Truth, therefore empty of knowledge, therefore incapable of love. Instead of life being full and rich, it will be empty and poor, one long, terrible, painful, suffering heartbreak.

Look into the mirror and see the visible, see the wonder that YOU are. Seeing this, see the invisible presence of your Creator who, at this very moment is sustaining you. From this day on, let your spouse know you are here, let your children know you are here, let God know you are here- let the world know you are here. Make yourself visible through all the signs it needs to see you, for you are God's child. We are not alive as persons if we are unable to communicate and dialogue with other persons. Do you believe this?

2.18 The bottom line, what you see is what you get.
If one is part of the 90% who do not meet, communicate and dialogue with other persons, how can one meet, know and love another? How in the world can such a person meet oneself, know oneself and love oneself? How can such a person raise a family of persons? Your first line of defense against confusion, disappointment, frustration, error and continuing needless heartbreaks is to:

-look and see the visible signs that the Other is giving you (either actively or passively);

-listen and hear what the Other is saying (or not saying),

-ask questions and confirm the meaning of the signs and information given (or not given) and then reply.

Your ability to know and to love the Other will be directly related to your ability to be present, to communicate and dialogue with the Other- all of this depends on your ability to look and see, to listen and hear and to respond to the visible signs the Other is giving to you.

God be with you.

Footnotes