This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad. Psalm 118:24. Chapter 24. Grace as a Condition for Discernment.
These words from our dear Lord say it all. Your Highness, Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Through Him, with Him and in Him, His grace enables us to radiate His Presence through our own unique fragrance and color, revealing His Life, His Love and His presence. If we say, "no" to Jesus' life-giving Love, like the rebellious flower, WE MUST DIE since we are not the source of our life, we are not our first cause.
Every time we sin because of the so-called rights we think are ours, we suppress His grace a little more, a grace that we need to live, to blossom and bloom. The lily died when it was no longer a part of the life-giving plant. When grace no longer has access to our heart, like a branch that is no longer part of the vine, we too must die. All life comes from God.
Dearest Friend, live who you are to the fullest as a fruit-bearing branch on the divine Vine. You are the first and the last. There is no other and there never will be another like you. You have been blessed in giving a special presence to the face of God for a lifetime.
For some Monarchs, living as a branch on the divine Vine (in a state of grace) is a natural enough way of life. This is how they were raised by their parents in their Kingdoms. When they ascended to the throne (when they took power in their corner of the Kingdom as God's Child), they simply carried on like their royal parents did, as new branches on the Sacred Vine.
Other Monarchs, however, are branches on the divine Vine only by a special grace from God. Once, like the lily, they considered looking for life elsewhere. At the last minute they accepted the Lord. He healed and strengthened their nearly broken ties to the Vine. They recovered their throne to reign again with our dear Lord as a healthy branch on the Holy Vine. In His Love, He saved them from drying up and being lost forever. What is common to both groups of Monarchs is their thirst for the Truth and having a great craving to drink of it.
Jesus tells us, "If any man is thirsty, let him come to me! Let the man come and drink who believes in me!" (2)
Still other Monarchs (like the lily) persisted in wanting to be their own vine. They allowed harmful pride, logic and selfishness to restrict the flow of Life from the Vine to them and they died. They lost the ability to produce fruit and, like the lily, are now a black, smelly mass, a home for maggots in the dirt below.
24.2 A branch on the Vine again.
He must open his eyes. He must look and see all the visible signs of Jesus' love for him. He must open his ears. He must listen and hear all the audible sounds of Jesus' love for him. If he does not look and see, listen and hear, he will never meet Love, Jesus his King. Then, as he realizes that he is still a part of this sweet Life-giving Vine, and with repentance for having said no to His love, he will embrace Jesus with all his heart, all his soul and all his mind. He will receive once again the fullness of His Life-giving Love, never, never, never to leave Him again.
24.3 How I was nursed back onto the Vine.
I was awakening to the reality that if hearts do not change, cities will not change. Yet cities must change if they are to be healthy, life sustaining nests for us to grow in. Therefore, hearts must change. I kept trying to find reasons why I shouldn't go, but what I was really doing was questioning, "where was I going with my life?" This became a very big issue with me. I was obsessed with the question.
On the day before my final interview (at this stage it was a simple formality), this dilemma so exhausted me, I collapsed while having lunch in a downtown Toronto department store. Fortunately, they had complete medical facilities. Placed in a wheel chair, I was brought to the first aid room. A nurse examined me, then she called for a doctor. After his examination he concluded that I should go to the emergency unit at the local hospital. Neither they nor I had any idea what happened.
Alone in the infirmary (while waiting for the ambulance) I had the terrifying sensation that I was going to die. I saw myself falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. Repeatedly I cried out for help. I remember having the sensation of sinking in a black ocean. I no longer had a "life jacket" supporting me. I was plunging deeper and deeper into the darkness. In response to my cries, the nurse ran to my bedside but was unable to comfort me.
Still very much alone, in the infirmary, I suddenly became conscious of the presence of another Person within me. I felt that I had lived in this house (my body) all these years, always believing I was alone. Now I was conscious that someone else was within me, and that Person was with me every day since I have been on this earth. I was shocked and completely overwhelmed.
Then, with ever so much grace, courtesy and gentleness, this Person spoke to me (there was no sound but I heard the words) and invited me to look at my hands, which I then saw as large and empty, very large and very empty. I saw my life as always taking and never giving, despite all the love given to me over the years. A love that gave me life, parents, friends, teachers, nurses, all who cared for me. A love that blessed me with creation, dearest Florence, our beautiful children, a home, health, and employment. A love that once saved me from drowning and saved me again from being killed in a car accident. On many other occasions, my soul was saved from taking liberties with others, liberties I had no right to take though they were freely offered to me.
On and on, I saw these wonderful salutary interventions of love in my life. After receiving all this love, I realized my hands were empty where thanksgiving and reciprocation were concerned. Indeed, if anything, while trying to be successful and find happiness on my own, slowly but surely, I was killing myself through work. I was not being reproached, or even reprimanded, but was simply made to see what was happening, what I was doing with my life. Like the lily, I too was unmindful of this Life-giving Love and the many blessings showered on me. I was looking for my happiness in my own flowerpot, one that I was going to make myself. Then the paramedics arrived and I was brought into the ambulance.
On our way to the hospital, they questioned me as to my address, telephone number and so on. During this time, I was convinced I was going to die. I saw my body being brought back to Ottawa in a coffin, with Florence and the children waiting for me at the railway station. "I left for a job interview and now I'm coming back in a coffin," I thought. A few minutes later we arrived at the hospital. They brought me to emergency. After an hour or so of going through many motor tests, the doctor told me I was fine. The doctor had no idea what could have caused the problem.
Leaving the hospital, I chose to walk back to my hotel, a slow leisurely walk. It was now about four o'clock in the afternoon. The world looked very different. The sky was bluer. Leaves were greener. Outlines were sharper. The songbirds sang with brighter and clearer notes. Everything had a dimension of newness to it. That night I did not sleep one wink. I was totally captivated by what happened.
The next day, I met with the consultant and the councilor for my final interview. Because of what happened the day before, I was still in a daze. These wonderful persons did not know what to make of the situation. Under the circumstances, they wisely brought the interview to a close. I should have told them what happened, but did not know what was going on. I was not invited to apply for the position.
Returning home to Ottawa, I immediately arranged for a complete medical examination, especially of the brain. I wanted to know what happened. Eventually, I was told there was nothing wrong with me. However, the sensations of dying returned again and again. They became so terrifying that I ended up being referred to a psychiatrist who diagnosed my condition as having anxiety attacks. Looking back, I believe that I had a faith crisis. Perhaps a faith crisis and an anxiety attack are two sides (spiritual and psychological) of the same coin. After awhile the anxiety attacks were gone- I was cured; however, the experience in the department store first aid room remained with me.
"Who was this Person within me?"
My new awareness of all the love given to me over the years and seeing my empty hands also stayed with me. I had a question to answer. After three years, the presence was still so strong that I had to deal with It. It seemed there were two choices: either this was all in my imagination or this was indeed a real Person waiting for an answer from me.
I know that love is personal. One may win a lottery or a draw, but the event is not one of love- simply sheer chance. Love however, is personal, not chance. Love followed me everywhere during my short lifetime, bringing good things into my life, tailor-fitted for me, for my happiness and welfare. What was I going to do in the face of so much love?
What was I going to do?
What was I going to do?
I finally concluded that I really had no choice. Since this love was so personal, so caring and showed so much concern for my welfare and happiness, there was only one thing left for me to do: To place my entire being, for the rest of my life, into the hands of this Person who loves me so much. I remember saying to this Person, "God (whoever you are), I place all that I am into your hands, for who else loves me like you do? I renounce anything and everything which could separate me from you and will never choose to pursue such again. I see that in You alone is my well being, my security, my happiness and my hope for survival. Your Love for me is a love you have proven over and over and over again for so many years."
Looking back, I realize that was when the Royal Gardener nursed me back onto the Vine. Like the lily, I was probably very close to breaking away from It. Like the lily, my notion of what happiness and success should be, was one big illusion, taught to me by the movies, television and others who were deceived. With His Life-giving energy and vigor, God reawakened me to His never-ending presence in my life. I was now relishing the joy of knowing I was once again a branch on the Divine Vine. I had to reeducate myself on how to live, how to work, how to see, how to speak, how to do everything.
[I had to learn how to pray, but I did not know whom to pray to. God? God? Who is God? Later, with the loving assistance of my spiritual director (a healthy branch next to me on this Holy Vine), I overcame this difficulty. I also read the lives of the saints (drawing on the Life of other branches from other parts of the Vine). Many went through what I was going through and I wanted to learn from them how they handled themselves. How fortunate we are to have these loving brothers and sisters to help us along our way, especially our brother Saint Augustine.]
Since this executive no longer knew the rules of the game, my next step was to go to the parish priest and get directions from him. My reasoning at the time was this: I now know that God is a real Person. I am conscious of His presence in me. I heard Him talk to me. He dwells within me. Therefore, Jesus must also be real, and is very probably His Son. If Jesus is a real person, then His Church must also be real. There is where I should go for direction as to what I should do next.'
My parish priest listened very attentively as I explained what happened. He then suggested that I ask the bishop to become a permanent deacon. I did. The next part of my journey is described in Chapter 17.6.
Your Highness, that was how I was saved from drying up completely and (unlike the lily) also saved from falling to the ground. This is how our heavenly Father (who loves us as only a loving Gardener knows how) nursed me back to health on the Vine again. A time then took place for God and me to meet and get to know each other. Like yeast working imperceptibly on dough, slowly but surely, I left the world I once knew and depended on. "He told them another parable, 'The Kingdom of heaven is like the yeast a woman took and mixed in with three measures of flour till it was leavened all through.'" (3) Slowly but surely, Life began anew on the Sacred Vine. Slowly but surely, I left the world to be raised in the Kingdom of God. One day many years later, I saw I no longer had anything in common with the world I once embraced so fiercely. Life, now, is on the Vine in the Vineyard, nourished by our Father's Love, basking in His Sun (Jesus' Light) and caressed by a gentle Breeze (Holy Spirit).
Jesus tells us, "As a branch cannot bear fruit all by itself, but must remain part of the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me, with me in him, bears fruit in plenty; for cut off from me you can do nothing." (4)
Your Highness, once you realize how much you are loved by Jesus and what He has done for you:
-with a heart full of humility (which is only fitting that you, the creature, have before God your loving Creator), " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (5)
-with a heart full of good intentions (wanting to be your heavenly Father's loving child again though you may not yet know how), " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (6)
-with a heart illuminated by faith, full of trust in Jesus your King (though you may not yet know Him), " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (7)
-with a heart eager to accept God's salutary love, a heart that will beat "yes" in response to each of His loving, inviting embraces, " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (8)
-with a heart willing to give God the adoration due to Him, for God is God and man is man, " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (9)
-with a heart disposed to being a healthy Branch bursting with Life on this most Sacred Vine, to being One with Jesus in whose image He made you (though you do not know where all of this will finally bring you) " . . . love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (10)
Like your heavenly mother Mary, say; "I am the handmaid of the Lord, let what you have said be done to me." (11)
Follow in the footprints of your dear brother Peter and say, "Lord, who shall we go to? You have the message of eternal life, and we believe; we know that you are the Holy One of God." (12)
Like Mary Magdalene, with tears and a contrite heart, wash his feet, cover them with your kisses in thanksgiving and anoint them with the consecration of your service to Him. (13)
With your brother Thomas say, "My Lord and my God." (14)
With your dear brother Paul say, "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, and who judged me faithful enough to call me into his service, even though I used to be a blasphemer and did all I could to injure and discredit the faith." (15)
With your brother Augustine say, "You have made us to be toward you Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you." (16)
You cannot be in better company, your Highness.
Jesus tells us, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that bears no fruit he cuts away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes to make it bear even more. You are pruned already, by means of the word that I have spoken to you. Make your home in me as I make mine in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit all by itself, but remain part of the vine, whoever remains in me, with me in him, bears fruit in plenty; for cut off from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is like a branch that has been thrown away -he withers; these branches are collected and thrown on the fire, and they are burnt. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask what you will and you shall get it. It is to the glory of my Father that you should bear much fruit, and then you will be my disciples." (17)
24.4 The bottom-line.
Your Highness, it is to the glory of your heavenly Father that you and your loved ones should bear much fruit. (18)
God bless you.
Footnotes.
1 John 15:5.