This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad. Psalm 118:24. Chapter 26. Spirit or Serpent?
Selfishness chooses its own projects. It never agrees with those of the Heart, for the dreams of the Heart are diametrically opposite to those of selfishness. Selfishness can only love self and not others, so it cannot be a good advisor to the Monarch where the Kingdom of God is concerned. The Monarch should dismiss such prompts when he sees them for what they are, a sign of the presence of the Evil One. But how can you tell if a prompt is selfish or not, if it is from the Holy Spirit or from the Serpent?
26.2 Discerning at 110 kilometers an hour.
Suddenly, a voice from within, an inner prompt, directed my attention to my sick aunt. She lived in an apartment at the very southern edge of the city. She was a widow and ill with cancer. The message was that I should go to her. If I was going to visit her, the best way to get there was to take the Don Valley Parkway, whose exit lane from 401 was fast approaching. I was driving at 110 kilometers an hour on a highway made up of half a dozen or so lanes (one way). There were cars, trucks and buses speeding by on both sides. There was only a few minutes to decide what to do; otherwise, I would miss the lane change I needed to reach the exit lane. If that happened, going to visit her was out of the question. And so the debate within began.
On the one hand, there was a peaceful inner prompt inviting me to go to my aunt, a prompt that was clearly heard deep within me. On the other hand, I was also hearing another, very persistent inner voice, screaming at me, "You have been away from home long enough, you have the right to keep going. You visited her two months ago. There is no need to go back. Why face all that traffic again? Head for home and give yourself a break. You deserve it. You haven't been with Florence for a week. You did enough for God this week." On and on it went with such other similar logical arguments.
Still traveling at high speed with traffic slipping by on both sides and the off ramp fast approaching, I had to make a decision soon. The counter cerebral arguments were so intense and so determined in their opposition that I was getting more and more confused. Was the first prompt simply a feeling of guilt in being so close to her and not visiting her? Was it a legitimate counsel from the Holy Spirit? Was I simply experiencing a nice suggestion? One that I could postpone to another time? What about the counter arguments? Were they right? I had to decide quickly; otherwise, I would miss the exit lane and the off ramp.
I decided that the prompt to go to see my Aunt was legitimate and from the Holy Spirit. Very clearly heard, it was quiet and authoritative but not forceful. It was focused on concern for the Other and not on Self. It was a peaceful invitation, one that respected my dignity, and for these reasons, the Holy Spirit was identified as the Prompter.
The counter arguments, on the other hand, were very forceful, focusing on my legitimate rights to do what I wanted. The cerebral opposition did not bring any Peace to me, as did the prompts from my Heart. This was not the voice of a friend, for a friend does not confuse another.
When I realized that it was my Heart versus my so-called logic, that was it. Logic has no authority to oppose the Heart, only to serve it. My "cerebral advisors" were clearly in violent opposition to my Heart, to the Royal Confidante, to the Other. Clearly, this was the Serpent counseling me. In such circumstances, I have to choose the prompt from the Heart because it is the Truth, the Holy Spirit. Logic does not know what Truth is or even what it means.
I began changing lanes and arrived at the exit ramp just in time to take the Don Valley Parkway to Lakeshore Boulevard. I left the northern limits of the city to head for the shores of Lake Ontario. A short while later, I arrived at my Aunt's apartment building. After searching for some considerable time for a place to park, I finally reached the apartment and rang the doorbell, and rang, and rang and rang.
No answer. I couldn't believe it. She wasn't there! How could I have been so wrong in making this discernment? It was Saturday morning. Maybe she was shopping or something. I waited a bit longer. Did I make a mistake in discerning? Now I would have to head back for the Parkway, cross the entire city and head north to Highway 401 again. Since I was now going to be very late getting home, I decided to telephone Florence and tell her what happened. Seeing a telephone booth at a nearby service station, I stopped and made the call.
"Where are you?" Florence asked.
I explained what happened.
"Your mother is desperately trying to reach you," she said. "She telephoned the rectory (the parish where I gave the retreat), but you had just left," she continued.
"Why? What does she want?" I asked.
"Your Aunt is dying. Since you're the only one in the family who is nearby, you should get to her quickly."
"Where is she?" I asked.
"At the Princess Margaret." she replied. (The Princess Margaret is a hospital in Toronto that treats and cares for cancer patients.)
I told Florence that I would head there straightaway and would be in touch with her later during the day.
So, the prompt WAS from the Holy Spirit. I had indeed properly discerned. This really was a Kingdom event. I marvel constantly on how simple it is for God to do things. I felt strengthened in my discernment skills and in my union with the Holy Spirit.
Now how do I get to the Princess Margaret? Driving in a large city terrifies me. I went inside the service station and asked the owner for directions.
"No problem," he said. "Go down this street, until you come to such and such a street (about 3-4 miles); then turn right. Drive a few blocks north. You can't miss it."
"Well, that's simple enough." I sighed.
"In the car," I continued, "I have a lot of expensive sound equipment and teaching aids that I didn't bother to pack properly. I wouldn't want anything stolen. Do you know where I could park once I get there?"
"No problem." he said, "I used to own the service station across from the Princess Margaret. Just speak to 'so and so' and tell him I sent you. He will let you park the car next to the office. It has a large plate glass window. He will keep an eye on your things for you."
All praise and glory and love and benediction to our dear Lord, who guides his children in His holy, loving service, who watches over them and does not abandon them.
I arrived at the service station and things worked out just fine. It wasn't long before I was at the nursing station and speaking to the nurses who were caring for my aunt. I informed them that I was her nephew, that I had some experience in pastoral care and asked them what her condition was like. They confirmed that she was dying.
For the next little while I was with her at her bedside, talking with her, combing her hair, praying with her, holding her hand and just being with her. She suspected she was dying but wasn't sure. When she asked, I told her that her condition was very serious. She understood. After awhile, she agreed that I could ask for a priest to give her the sacrament for the sick.
He came and, together, the three of us shared this very special presence of our dear Lord. Through His minister, our King consoled her and comforted her with His forgiving and understanding Heart. In these her final hours, again, He gave Himself to her, one last time... in His Holy Eucharist.
Together, we prayed to our dear mother Mary. I asked Her to ensure that her special angels watch over my aunt until she arrives into Her arms. I left my rosary on the bedpost, as a sign of Mary's presence with her. Later that day, the first of her children arrived. By now, she was at peace with God and in Mary's hands. It was time for me to go. The time she had left belonged to her and her children. The better part of the day had gone by. I telephoned Florence, told her what happened and that I would be home on Sunday. Everything was peaceful in the Kingdom of God.
What is the lesson? When your Heart (Love) invites you to see to the needs of an Other, and your Head (Logic) or your Muscle (Selfishness) violently criticizes and opposes this invitation, you know that these prompts from the Heart are from God; otherwise, there would not be such vicious opposition to them from the Head (logic) or from the Muscle (Selfishness). After awhile, your Highness, it will be easy to discern which prompts are from the Holy Spirit (Heart) and which are from vainglory, false pride, logic and selfishness (mind and flesh). Your holy vocation of sharing with Jesus in making creation anew will become easier to discern as time goes by. Soon, each and every one of your days will be lived for your heavenly Father's greater glory.
Although I did not know it at the time, the prompt made me an instrument for God's Love. He called on me to help bring my aunt to the end of her life on earth. With all the love, peace and serenity God could give her, He prepared her for her return home.
In my early years, I attended school in Toronto, which was far away from my home in Northern Ontario. My Aunt often visited me at the college. She was responsible for making many a lonely day a little easier to handle. Thank you Father, for allowing me to return this love to her through Your heavenly intercession.
26.3 The bottom line.
If you are going to live a life free from needless heartbreaks and filled with joy in loving the Lord and your neighbor, you must be an instrument for God's Love of the Other.
This means living your life in companionship and in service with the Holy Spirit, here on earth, now, today and each and every day. To do this you must discern which prompts come from the Holy Spirit and which prompts come from the Serpent.
Where God's children are concerned, dreams of the Heart for the welfare and happiness of the Other is what His Kingdom is all about. Their cerebral faculties are there to minister to these dreams and to have "His will done on earth as it is in Heaven." This is what our intelligence, memory, imagination, creativity and all the other powers of our mind are for, to serve His loving Heart.
"One thing I ask of Yahweh, one thing I seek: to dwell in the house of the Yahweh all the days of my life, to enjoy the sweetness of Yahweh and to consult with Him in His Temple." (1)
Footnotes.
1 Psalm 27:4.