Once upon a time...
Dear
Brother Thomas, Brother Aurelius, and you dear reader, why did I think it was
so important to write a book on my spirit and your spirit, on my soul and your
soul?
One
day, I had an experience wherein I saw my soul. That event, plus a number of
experiences in my life, have all come together in 2003, events that relate to
you and to me, now and for eternity. But first, the day when I thought I was
going to die.
On
a glorious sunny summer day in the ‘60s, right after noon lunch, I was resting
on my bed. I remember our bedroom (with a southern exposure) was toasty warm,
and filled with the glorious light of a very happy sun. This room was a special
place for me. It was always bright and very clean, almost clinically so. The
walls were a soft pastel blue. A snow-white plaster ceiling, with ornate
designs crowned the room’s simple splendor. The full central boudoir mirror
gave a lot of depth to the room. Closets, like sentries stood on either side.
How could I possibly imagine what was gong to happen here, in my bedroom of all
places, on that beautiful sunny summer day?
In this quiet, peaceful setting, lying on my bed, I was reading a book titled, “The Sufferings of our Lord Jesus Christ.”[1] As I read, I was literally gripped by the terror that confronted our dear Lord as he carried his cross through the streets of Jerusalem. Loving Father, I felt no physical pain from the brutal things that were happening to your Son, but I fully experienced his fear and his terror. I was so overwhelmed by the sufferings and the abuse inflicted on Him, I could not read on any longer. Laying the book at my side, I reflected on what your beloved Son, my Savior, went through.
Life left my body.
Suddenly, without warning, I felt a soft gentle ripple that
began in my feet and continued moving upward in my legs. It felt like a feather
stroking my limbs. As it moved upward, both legs became completely inanimate.
Instinctively, I realized life was leaving my limbs. The ripple, as indifferent
as it was, remained on a steadfast course. It continued, up through my thighs,
my torso and began exiting through the top of my head.[2]
All of this took but a few seconds. I was completely baffled. I did not know
what to do, nor did I have time to do anything. In disbelief, again I realized
its determined journey was clearly for one purpose, to leave my body. There was
no longer any doubt, I was going to die. Here, alone, in our beautiful sun
filled bedroom, I was going to die.
In
this picture life is leaving my body, (white column)[3]
from my head. At this point, my spirit, my soul (Me) has not left my body.
Having a moment or two of life still left within me, loving
Father, it was then (in union with your Son’s prayer to you on the cross) that
I entrusted my Spirit[4] into your Loving hands. I was sure my stay on earth was
now at an end, and, it would have been a peaceful end indeed.[5] I remember thinking it would not be a terrible shock to
die, to be discovered gone in this tranquil serene setting. Until the writing
of this book, (with the exception of my spouse, my spiritual director and my
bishop) no one has been told of this event.
Loving
Father, I finished my prayer committing my Spirit to you and was truly ready to
come before you. Life continued
its slow steady flow out of my body. Is this what dying is like? A peaceful
serene awareness of leaving the only world we know. This peace and serenity was
my comfort during this anticipated departure. Though I knew I was leaving
Florence, my children, my work and my friends, I was focused primarily on what
was happening to me at that moment, my leaving of this earth and my impending
meeting with you Father.
Then,
to my surprise, before life completely left me, the flow suddenly stopped.
Reversing its direction, life gently returned into my body, through my head and
torso, through my arms and my legs to my feet, returning with the same lazy
indifference with which it left. This event filled me with wonder and confusion.
Did you change your mind loving Father? When life fully returned into my body,
I happily realized everything was normal and natural once again.
But
Father, what happened? What just happened? I was not ill. Why was I going to
die? Why did life begin to leave me, and why did life return to me? What kind
of a marvel was this? What did I just experience? Will this happen again? Who
was making these decisions? What was going on? In that perfect, peaceful
silence of my bedroom, this all seemed so surreal. I pondered, and wondered and
pondered... not knowing how to even begin to understand what was going on.
Confused and bewildered, I was reflecting on what happened, when another even more extraordinary event then took place. It has changed my entire life, my notion of life, and my purpose in life, both passively and actively. I will now share this experience with you Brother Aurelius, you Brother Thomas and you dear Reader.
[1] Written by Father Thomas of Jesus. The Mercier Press
Limited Cork Ireland. Published by Cahill and Co. Ltd. Dublin
[2] Life did
leave through the top of my head, but as to it rising vertically or not I do
not know. I show it as vertical.
[3] I did not
see any column of white nor was my body darkened. These are shown in the
graphic to show life leaving my body. I am assuming that when life leaves the
body it (life) rises upwards.
[4] “Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Father, into your
hands I commend my spirit"; and when he had said this he breathed his
last.” (Luke 23: 46) I did not know what my Spirit or soul was, or if I really
had one. I was simply doing what our dear Lord did, when he died on the cross.
[5] Is this what normally happens when a person dies? Is a
person so focused on coming before one's Creator, that everyone and everything
else no longer exists? Whether we are very rich or very poor, whether we have a
great deal of power and authority or none at all, no earthly status amounts to
a hill of beans when one comes face to face with his or her Creator. Years
later I am still in awe on how death can be so natural and so peaceful.